


neptune

by hheartaches



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, I just want lance and shiro to have a good relationship, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance has a personality disorder, Lance is mentally ill, M/M, also no demonizing the other characters just Lance having a personality disorder, guess who deleted a chapter to combine with another and ended up deleting most of their comments :)), shiro is his hero after all, this is about shiro and lance's platonic/brotherly relationship with some klance in it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-11-16 13:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11253732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hheartaches/pseuds/hheartaches
Summary: Lance smiles. "Have you ever been so cold you start to go numb?"The castle's been feeling a lot colder since Shiro's gone missing. It's kinda funny how Lance has always hated winter, but is the one causing it.In which Lance's emotions, mood swings, and insecurities cause something a little magical.And deadly.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> [my voltron blog](https://mulletkink.tumblr.com)
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> I always post something on or near my birthday and ya boi is 18 now!! so here have this fic.
> 
> enjoy! don't forget to kudos, subscribe, and comment!

If Keith thinks hard enough, he'll remember that Lance has been going through these changes since their battle with Haggar, since Zarkon has been laying low, since Shiro has been lying even lower.

Keith doesn't really recall when the castle started turning freezer-burn cold in the middle of the night or why forming Voltron makes everyone a bit hesitant or why there's some sort of mental block coming from someone that he assumes is himself because _he’s not supposed to be piloting the black lion anyhow_.

No one really notices the edging coldness that follows them everywhere because they’ve reached a galaxy full of desert planets that are blazing no matter what time of day and the almost constant fall breeze in the castle is doing everyone wonders. They leave it behind and Hunk is the first to say that space is nothing like the island, which makes more sense than than him saying _“Guys, it’s really cold.”_ and even more sense than Lance’s very quiet grunt in half-agreement or the slight blue tone touching his skin.

But of course that’s only if Keith thinks hard enough.

* * *

“Princess,” Keith calls out to Allura. Lance doesn’t like the way he says it in such a  _Shiro_ kind of way that makes him remember why his shoulders feel so heavy from when Shiro held him back only a few quintants ago.

“Have you all finished your search of the planet?”

There’s a tiredness in Allura’s voice that makes Lance flutter his eyes and slump his shoulders. He sighs through his nose and listens to Hunk’s yawning over the radio.

“Yes, princess,” Hunk tells her.

Allura gives an unamused laugh that spells out  _Damn, this is getting tiring_ before turning her back away from the monitor in the castle.

“No sign, huh?”

The  _used to be_ red paladin gulps down a ball of grief and sighs. He gives a nod and runs a hand through his hair. “We're heading back into the castle now, Princess.”

Allura shuts the projector off with few words, but the team can here the sigh in the way she speaks. It’s not secret that she wills her eyes open no matter how her body seems to be able to hold itself up anymore. She taps her foot impatiently whenever Keith gives a review of what’s going on, and he wants to help her. He does. But he’s not Shiro. He doesn’t have that  _certain look_ in his eye like Shiro does and based on Allura’s opinion, he couldn’t imitate it if he tried.

The paladins and their lions pull into their respective hangers with looks of grief and exhaustion.

Keith turns to them with a clap of his hands. “Alright, we report to Allura and we go to sleep.”

Pidge yawns and scowls at a nearby wall with enough disdain to make a Galra shake in fear. “Or we could all take a nap and then talk about it never."

“How could we just talk about it never, Pidge?” Hunk asks, eyebrows raised and curiosity gleaming in his eyes.

“We just don’t wake up.”

“ _Pidge_ ,” the yellow paladin says scornfully.

“What? It’s only a suggestion. She’s the one that’s running us dry.”

“You’d be running dry, too, if the only other voice of reason that’s been kinda taking care of the hopeless teenagers that are ironically the universe’s only hope has disappeared and could possibly be being held by the people that destroyed your entire race of people for the  _second time_ in less than a year.”

Lance’s voice has not been cold, but his breath is chill against Pidge’s neck as it tickles their way down her spine. She clenches her fists but deflates her hot air balloon in favor of sighing what fire she kept in her lungs.

“Lance, you didn't have to say it like that,” Hunk whispers to him.

A wave of irritation washes through the blue paladin and a gust of goosebump-inducing chills flow through the air and leaves as quickly as it came.

“No, he's right. Allura's probably as tired as we are. She just wants Shiro to get Shiro back as soon as possible. And she's not taking anything out on us, but she's, ya know, agitated and tired like the rest of us,” Pidge tells them. She yawns into her hand and takes her helmet off. “Who's gonna get Coran to tell her to get some sleep today?”

Hunk, Lance, and Pidge turn to Keith who gives a sigh of annoyance and a half-glare before smirking. “It's time to eat dinner anyways. I'm gonna hit the showers.”

“I think I'll shower later. I'm  _starving_."

There was a feigned laugh and a small wave of warmth washing over the castle and frowns were no more, if only for a moment.

“The castle does not have seasons.”

The paladins and Coran have taken it upon themselves to eat in the control room, because it is the only time Allura realizes that she can’t run on pure willpower. (Not for three quintants.) Coran is awfully close to just trapping her inside of her bed until she knocks herself out.

And that idea seems more and more appealing.

Keith isn't too amused by Allura’s statement. He can feel his veins popping out of his forehead and his nails clawing at the palms of his gloves. “Coran said the same thing about the castle being haunted not too long ago, Allura.”

Pidge eyes her goo before pulling it into her mouth while Hunk watches the conversation with what appears to be amusement on his face. Lance held his spoon out for the mice to nibble out. He smiled at  them before turning his head to Keith and Allura.

Her eyes stalk over how much water there is and prays that he’s surviving the best way he can if he’s there. Her lungs sigh and inhale before she takes a shaky breath.This galaxy hasn’t shown too promise in finding Shiro, or rather it hasn’t shown any promise in finding Shiro  _alive_.

“We fixed the castle when that happened. There's nothing wrong with the castle,” she says, her voice turning dismissive as she delved into each planets’ statistics.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Keith starts, “maybe it’s you.”

A tense silence floats above the scene in a way that makes Hunk shiver is boots and Pidge sweat from her boots. “Ever since we lost Shiro, you’ve been falling apart. Princess, the only thing you’ve done is run yourself into the ground! You’re running out of magic! So maybe it’s not the castle anymore! Maybe you’re not useful right now…”

Coran looks at Keith with surprise before jumping up to defend her.

“Keith, how  _dare_ you talk to the princess—”

“Coran.”

Princess Allura voice has never been so demanding in the months (of not  _years_ ) that they've been.The yellow paladin’s heart jumped into his throats and Coran prayed she wouldn't go into a magic rampage.

“Keith,” she starts, her tone deadly and demanding, “while you have the black lion, you are  _not_ it’s paladin. You are  _not_ the one leading this group. While you have the Blade of Marmora on your side,  _I_ am the one instructing you. The only reason you’re wearing that suit is because if Shiro is…”—she pauses and takes a sigh, looking off to the side before clearing her throat of the tears burning there—“dead,  _which he isn’t_ , then I would like to at least do his last wishes. But I’d be cursed with druid magic before I let a half-assed leader like you talk to me that way. So you know what Keith? Maybe it is me. Maybe I  _am_ the problem, but maybe Shiro’s disappearance isn’t the only cause as to why this  _team_ is falling apart!”

Lance doesn’t know how to feel about her tone or how he to feel about how cold she sounded, how tired she sounded, how  _dead_ she sounded. He knows that if she’d go to sleep every once in awhile or eat just a little more than her modern norm, then maybe she wouldn’t have snapped like she did even though Keith did deserve it.

“Princess…” Coran mutters.

“And don’t talk to me about being useless! I am not made of glass, I am not meant to sit and look pretty! You’ve never had to wake and find that everything you have  _ever_ known is  _gone_. And let’s face it, Keith…you knew you weren’t meant to be a leader. I can’t blame you for trying, but let’s try and focus on finding Shiro before you try and give me away to the Galra again, okay?”

Lance and Pidge whisper  _very quiet_ “ _OOH”_ ’s to each other. The air in the room lets up when Allura begins to chuckle to herself before she smiles at Keith.

“Allura, I didn’t—”

“I know, Keith. I…I would’ve thought about it as well. Perhaps not verbally,” she laughs, “but I would have thought about it too. No need to apologize. You’re right anyhow. I am slipping, aren’t I?”

“I think we all are. I…shouldn't have said anything. I...I'm sorry.”

“It's fine, I did lose my temper,” Allura tells him.

“You had a right too.”

“Yeah, I did.”

An almost unfamiliar, comfortable warmth circled itself around the paladins and their castle. And while a paladin, an important link is missing, Lance can only hope that Shiro felt it too

Winter is never one to stay away for too long.


	2. sand in his mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance firsts sees Keith at the beach and a sandy planet might be where he finds Keith's brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I was debating whether to continue writing this chapter or post as is. Make sure to kudos and/or comment! Don't forget to share this story and to tell me what you thought of it on[ my voltron blog](https://mulletkink.tumblr.com)!
> 
> without further ado!

He doesn’t understand how it works and probably never will, how he has no memories of the summer of his freshmen year or how he spent it on the beach. Lance just remembers the taste of seashells and sand in his mouth and he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

His most prevalent memory is the monstrosity of the day he saw Keith for the first time. How he was too far to notice the bullies surrounding a 5’2” Lance after hearing him talking to his mother about how he kinda hated it there but was gonna stick it out anyhow. He remembers how Keith always had scratches and bruises and took preference to the coastline and the high tide and never bothered to look him in the eye.

Now that he thinks about it, maybe Keith never saw him.

But it’s a bad time to be thinking about it.

“Lance!”

“I said I'm on it!”

Lance finds himself thinking about what to say next in conversations more than in the heat (and the chill) of battle. He's earned himself a track record with the healing pod; he's got a favorite (the one on the far left with the ever-slight crack down the middle and the tiny bits of frost on the corners of its door) and often finds himself missing the blue hue that comes with it. Nowadays Lance finds himself entangling his legs in the air of dissociation that the healing pod brings and Blue misses daydreaming with him.

The blue paladin suppresses the calm waters Blue offers to soothe his rage in favor of revving her before shooting down fleets in one holy escapade.

“Nice job, Lance!” Hunk yells into the earpiece.

No one misses Lance’s smirk and he can feel Blue’s chest swell with pride as she lets out a mighty roar. Lance puts his index and thumb around his chin. “Yes, yes. I know. I’m amazing, wonderful, awesome, handsome, and a good shot,” he says with a hand running through his hair and gleaming smile.

“Lance,” his teammates groan.

“Are we ready to pull back into the castle?” the yellow paladin asks. “I’m sweating and Yellow needs some repairs.”

“Paladins,” Allura chimes into everyone’s monitors. “Please, return to the castle immediately! Something’s going on with the Black Lion!”

“What are you going on about, Princess?” Keith asks. “Black’s completely fine. All systems are working perfectly, Zarkon’s not pulling on it, our reserves are full.”

Allura clutches her head. “You mean to tell me you don’t feel that?”

“Feel what?” Pidge asks.

“The—” The princess clutches her head and groans. “Pull the lions in _now_.”

“Happily,” Hunk says before pulling his lion into the hangar. He sniffs the air around him after pulling his helmet off. “Do I smell?”

Pidge doesn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“Guys,” Lance starts, “don’t you think we should check on the princess?”

The green paladin grimaces and inhales through her teeth. Lance takes it as a _whoops_ and turns to jog towards the main room, the others falling close behind. He pauses and runs inside when he finds the princess on her knees, coughing her lungs out. The paladins are only a few feet away when a barrier shocks them away from her.

“What the hell is that?” Pidge groans.

Allura glares—eyes sending shock through Lance’s body—and has no intention of letting up. “Stay...away from me,” she gasps out. “I changed my mind. Get back...in your lions _immediately_.”

Keith’s eyebrows furrow in confusion and he frowns. “What? You just said to come—”

Lance grabs Keith’s shoulder. “The lion’s are connected to her life force.”

The red— _black_ paladin nods slowly. “Okay,” he drawls out. “We know this—”

“She’s connected to the black lion. It’s Shiro!”

Keith’s breath feels heavy on Lance’s neck and it’s a warmth Lance has never felt; a warmth he’s not sure his heart wants. “We gotta go! Go!” he yells as he waves his arm towards the hangar. Keith looks back at the princess and Lance. “Lance! C’mon!”

The blue paladin jogs away from her, but gives her one last glance and a reassuring smile before running off with Keith at his side.

Keith’s anxiety is slow and steady, ever-constant ever since his brother disappeared from right under their nose. And Lance, ever-present in the back of his mind, ever-feeling things too intensely for his own good can feel it dripping it’s way into flooding his senses. Or it would.

But it’s a desert planet.

It’s a fucking _desert_ planet, with fucking _sand_ and shit everywhere.

“Why do I feel...annoyed?” Pidge asks. Lance has got to tone it down.

“Pidge, you’re always annoyed.”

“I mean, that’s—that’s _fair_ , but it’s not me. It’s gotta be Hunk.”

Hunk gasps, appalled at the accusation.“It ain’t me! My suit’s made for this!”

The blue paladin groans. “None of you feel that?”

Hunk side eyes his best friend and furrows his eyebrows with a smile. “You talkin’ ‘bout the sun, man?”

Lance smacks his lips, the disgust evident on his face. “No—I mean well _yeah_ , but it’s like? Pain, I guess? I feel...dry. I am too hydrated and moisturized to feel this dry-mouthed.”

Pidge laughs and crosses her arms. “Your skin care routine finally failed you, huh?”

“Yeah, whatever, foreskin.”

“Stop calling me—”

“It’s Shiro,” Princess Allura groans through the comms.

“Allura!” they all gasp.

She ignores them. “That dryness is him. Find him and bring him to the castle as soon as possible. Ughh,” she grinds out. “Just _find him_.”

Keith turns to Lance before turning to the other paladins. He gives them a determined nod that they mimic. “You heard her, let’s get going. We’re splitting up into our usual teams. Hunk, Lance—”

“Wait, Keith,” Lance interjects. “Pidge and I are weaker on planets like these, remember? It’s better if Pidge goes with Hunk since he’ll react with the sand better than she could. And I could go with you, since I’m fucking useless right now and you’re strongest here.”

Looks of surprise cross the other paladins’ faces. Hunk is the first to cheese and slap Lance on the back.

“Look who’s a little genius!”

Lance groans, “Hunk.”

The yellow paladin has tears running down his cheeks. “My boy’s all grown up…”

Keith gives a faint smile before grunting. “We all got the plan?”

“Yes, mom,” they chime. “Comm you if anything happens.”

Keith smirks. “Let’s save him.”

Allura groans again and musters up her strength to speak through her grinding teeth. “Paladins,” the princess says with grunts of pain lacing themselves in their ears. “There’s something you should know about this specific desert. It’s known to cause hallucinations and illusions. Be careful and keep your wits about you.

“Patience yields focus,” she finishes.

“Patience yields focus,” they mimic.

The teams split up, red and blue to the west and yellow and green to the east. The four suns beat down onto their armor. The paladins can hear Hunk’s stomach growling over their radio. “I sound like bacon,” he murmurs. “I _feel_ like bacon. I am bacon.”

“A dream come true,” the blue paladin said with all seriousness in his voice.

None of them wants to wonder how Shiro made it out here by himself with four suns beating down his back. No night time to close his eyes, no wind to calm his nerves and Lance wonders if that’s what leading Voltron must be like.

Not a plant in sight, no water, no _food_ , no concrete way to know that he survived other than Allura’s ever present grunts and groans from inside the nice _cool_ castle. Lance’s mood sours the longer the trail of sweat becomes. He’s begging for any amount of ice to cover his hands but all it does is turn to more and more sweat.

“Damn, these glands,” Lance says aloud without meaning to.

“Don’t you just hate those little bastards?” Hunk breathes out.

“Guys!” the red- _black he’s the black paladin chosen by Shiro without anyone knowing_ -paladin yells. “We have got to focus on this. He’s around here somewhere. We’re not leaving without him. Not even if it kills us.”

There’s a silent agreement amongst the teens and none of them can tell if it’s out of genuine companionship or anxiety. Hunk coughs.

“I mean, we all knew we weren’t going to leave without Shiro, but it’s still weird and kind of creepy that you said that.”

“Ugh,” they all groan.

“Wait, uh, I think I see someone!” Pidge exclaims. “I can’t see through the storm that’s heading our way!”

Keith arms himself and activates his bayard. “Yeah, I think I see them too. And they do not look friendly.”

Hunk perks up at that. “Really? Ours looks welcomi—wait, no they don’t. Wait, how big is this storm? You guys are caught in it too?”

“Mullethead, what are you doing?” Lance shouts.

“Getting to it before it gets to us! Be strong or be gone, Lance!” Keith growls behind him. The black in his paladin suit is suddenly more evident than he ever thought possible. Something settles in the pit of his stomach and his chest feels empty and cold and full of jealousy and hurt but mostly jealousy.

[Suddenly, Lance doesn’t feel like rescuing anybody anymore.

That might mean he's a bad person.]

“It's drawing closer. It's about 5’8”! It’s a—um, a normal weight I guess? I don’t know! I think it’s armed!” Hunk panicked.

“Whatever it is, you all need to be careful,” Allura chimes.

The paladins chorus and harmonize. “Yes, princess.”

Keith can hear the Hunk activating his bayard. “I’ll be there as soon as I’m done with this asshole. You can count on it,” he whispers to the yellow and green paladins.

“We might not need it. He doesn’t look too strong. I won’t underestimate him though,” Pidge says arming herself. “Let’s hope this works.” She clenches her bayard tight in her hand before lassoing it four times and throwing it around her opponent.

“Argh!” Keith grunts. “Lance!”

“Keith? Is that you?” Pidge yells. She runs over to her supposed-opponent and turns the body over to reveal none other than the red paladin with an annoyed glare stuck on his face. Pidge’s smirk is almost lost in the heat of the sandstorm. Almost.

“A paladin of Voltron was taken down by a lasso. A little girl with a lasso,” Hunk snickers. “I’m totally writing that down for when Shiro gets back.”

“Uh, guys?” Lance calls out. “Remember how you guys said this planet was mostly uninhabited?”

The red paladin drags a hand down his helmet. “Ah, fuck. Don’t tell me he’s been in civilization this whole time.”

“Can’t be,” Lance croaks. “He can't be in some oasis if Allura’s practically writhing on the floor.”

Allura ‘s voice peeks through the scoffs before groaning more. They could hear the wince in her voice. “Oh, give me—redit, Lance. Writhing’s for—umps, as you humans would say.”

“What happened to you? You just suddenly stopped responding to us!”

The princess’s tone turns gravely. “We think—s’thn—at’phere—” Allura cuts out.

“I think we should head into the city there. The locals probably know more about this desert than we do. Let’s head there. There’s got to be some form of government there right? Maybe they can help us. Voltron?”

The three paladins’ heads shoot up.

Keith’s dark eyes are determined. “Let’s roll.”

* * *

 

“Are we there yet?” Lance groans.

“No!” the paladins of Voltron, defenders of the universe, groan with irritation.

The suns’ waves split the atoms in the air and everything feels a bit crazier than it really is. Or maybe Lance’s brain is still dumbing it down to _you’re searching for a man that doesn’t particularly like you nor does he really hate you in the middle of an alien desert where there are no desert girls to flirt with_ or food to cook if Hunk doesn’t count himself or little electronics for Pidge to hack. There’s just too much sand.

“There’s so much fucking _sand_!” Pidge growls under her breath. “What do the locals even do with this shit? How do you build on top of it?”

“Guess they just adapt to it,” the yellow paladin says with indifference.

“What the fuck is _adapting_?” she shrieks.

Lance stumbles over his feet. “Keith, buddy. Remember that Altean pool?”

The hothead grunts with irritation. Lance is far too sure that his gloves have melted into his suit. “How could I forget that waste of time and effort?”

“Okay, guy, imagine that pool, but like... _correct_. And right where we’re standing is a...a _cesspool_ of cold water.”

“A cesspool of cold water.”

“A cesspool of cold water,” Lance states deliriously, definitively.

“That’s fair,” Keith says before silently cursing Shiro for not forcing him to get a haircut.

Lance stumbles over his own feet again, but Pidge reaches the desert floor first. The other paladins groan in annoyance. Lance lazily reaches down to pick the green paladin off the desert floor. The grating sound of their paladin suits staining their ears and the contact building up even more sweat.

“Why is it that seeing the heat waves makes you hotter?” No one answers Hunk, not out of contempt, but out of exhaustion.

It doesn’t take them long to find out the four bleeding suns have no trouble sucking the energy out of them

“I know this is gonna sound cruel, but why can’t Shiro come to us? You don’t think he wants to be here do you?”

Lance knows that when Hunk gets anxious he becomes quite the chatterbox. The blue paladin’s mind drifts to when he had to teach his friend how to swim and how he used conversation to keep himself from freaking out or maybe it was to talk Lance out of just pushing him into the pool.

He misses those days.

No one knows when, but somewhere along the way Katie settled herself on Lance’s back out of exhaustion. She groans about suddenly not wanting to grow her hair out anymore and how Shiro is taking too damn long to be rescued by them. Hunk trudges the sand like it's two heavy for his legs to handle and Lance hates the texture of the sand beneath his foot.

The leading paladin stops in his tracks and wonders if he trained himself to keep moving while unconscious or if he’s been dissociating throughout the entire experience of the four suns of Korak. Keith is sure he’s blacked out long enough for them to be at the city by now by it doesn’t look any closer.

It doesn’t look any closer.

“Why is the city not getting any closer?”

Lance, now dragging the green paladin on the desert floor, is the last one to stop in his track. Hunk looks past him towards Keith with a disbelieving look. “What?” he asks breathily. The yellow paladin puts his hands on his knees to catch his breath and lets out a shout of frustration. “What do you mean it doesn’t look any closer?” he asks exasperatedly.

Keith points indignantly with irritation to the “nearby” city and yells with anger Pidge has never heard before. “It’s not any _fucking_ closer than it was hours ago! We’ve been walking straight ahead for hours! Days even!”

“Not days, Keith,” Katie groans.

“Fine! Not days! But we’ve wasted time we could’ve used to be saving Shiro!” the paladin yells.

“Hey!”

The growl is low and steady and too close too inhuman to be Lance’s and his eyes shouldn’t be glowing (or maybe they aren’t, maybe it’s just Keith, maybe it’s the suns or God or something). The blue paladin him self doesn't know where the burning red anger came from himself but he's to powerless to stop it from overloading his senses. Pidge doesn’t think sweat ever felt so cold. She doesn’t feel sticky or stuck or useless in the hot sun.

Just scared.

Angry and scared.

“We _all_ lost Shiro. We don’t like this anymore than—”

Hunk feels a rage so strong it held him in place. The yellow paladin, as calm and anxious and mischievous as he is never felt his best friend's emotions that strongly before.

It doesn’t take Hunk too long to release himself from whatever trance the sudden freezing aura caused. “Lance! Calm down, Keith just—what is that?”

None of the other paladins, as impossibly sharp as they are, could hear the loud whirring and roaring of engine or the earth over their own shouts and heartbeats. A second sandstorm circles and cyclones around them fast enough to make the dizzy. The sky turns grapefruit red as heavy bolas wrap around their ankles and Lance can’t remember the feeling dead weight feeling so awful. He’s been unmasked, he doesn’t know how or when, all he knows is the disgustingly refreshing taste of sand in his mouth and how he almost misses being forced to put seashells in his mouth.

The sound of Pidge coughing the sand out of her lungs while pulling more in is the last thing Lance remembers before he wakes up in a room hotter than lightning and fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The team met sandbenders!!!! more or less
> 
> I don't think I like this chapter. Not because of content but because I just think it could be written better. I spent so long trying to find something to write, to fill the gaps ya know? And nothing came out. Like I wish I had more exposition.
> 
> DO NOT forget to kudos, comment, and share with your friends! Tell me what you thought of it on[ my voltron blog](https://mulletkink.tumblr.com)!

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to kudos, subscribe, and comment! I already have the next chapter written (somewhat).


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